With only 2 weeks to go until the Birth Mother’s due date, we really need to get the show on the road! Yesterday, my partner and I installed a car seat base in each of our cars. Afterwards, I went back outside and peeked through the window to see how it looked again. Two things ran through my head: Firstly, how weird it’s going to be to have a human being in the back seat of my car, when in fact, no one is ever in the back seat of my car except for groceries! Secondly…my sincerest hope is that our child enjoys Celine Dion’s 5 octave, beautiful voice because that is what will be playing until she can talk….or beg for me to turn it off like most people do 🙂
The nursery is complete, aside from a few pictures on the wall which should be delivered this week. The glider is the most comfortable chair I have ever sat in and I have a feeling we will be falling asleep with her in that chair on many occasions. The dresser drawers are filled with onesies and diapers. The closet is filled with dresses and toys, stroller and carrier. There is a kitchen cabinet dedicated to baby bottles and nipples. It’s been so much fun reading every baby book I have read (a total of 7), shopping, reading reviews on everything I have purchased or registered for. Other than packing and being ready to jump when we get the phone call to leave for the hospital (which is out of state) I highly doubt we could be more prepared.
I’ve been told recently that my comments here have been focused a bit on the negative/stressful side of adoption. What I’ve written above is what comes out of my mouth most times. Jokes, happy thoughts, looking forward to the next steps. However, admittedly, all those feelings are on the other side of a wall that I know are there. I want to see them, feel them, touch them. I’m certainly reaching for them. I just need a ladder with a few extra steps to be able to jump over, grab it all, and convince myself that there mine.
We have wonderful friends who are going through a similar process of trying to start a family through IVF. We cant compare the 2 situations completely. However, like my partner and I, they too want a family. They too, must go through the emotional roller coaster of what if’s. They too, must go through (quite literally actually) the pain of whatever outcome must transpire. Nevertheless, by watching them and speaking to them, I have no doubt in my mind…(I am convinced actually) that they will indeed have their family. They are wonderful, charming, authentic people who deserve to be parents. I stay positive for them. It’s just so much harder to stay positive for yourself when your clouded by your own situation.
The clouds do indeed break to let the sun shine through at times…as they did when we installed the car seats. As they did when the nursery was put together. As they do when we laugh and joke about how it will be when my partner and I go from two to three. They most certainly do when I think of this quote by Scott Simon (author of Baby, we were meant for each other: In praise of adoption)
“You walk into the building as a couple, and leave a few minutes later as a family. You walk in recollecting long romantic dinners, nights at the theater, and care-free vacations. You leave worrying about where to get diapers, milk, and Cheerios.”
In the quiet of our home when I look at the empty nursery, or accidentally open the cabinet with the baby bottles, I cant help but wonder if I will be able to see whats on the other side of that wall. However, I truly do thank our family and friends for their positive support throughout this time. They have sent love, happy thoughts, encouragement, affection, gifts and support. I don’t intentionally wish to be “Debbie Downer” over here. I indeed jump on their waves of excitement and happy anticipation and am able to enjoy every moment of it.