I found myself lucky enough to have coffee this morning with a co-worker of mine who proceeded to share with me that he and his wife adopted from China many years ago. It was so refreshing to hear another persons perspective on something so similar to what my partner and I are going through. This includes all the oddities that come out of peoples mouths and how they handled them. Once again, another negative post….but HOPEFULLY in another less than 38 days….the tone will drastically change…I will call my fellow coworker “Jonathan” for the time being.
Jonathan and his wife always wanted 3 children. However, due to some medical complications after the arrival of their 2nd child, they wouldn’t be able to fulfill that dream. They weren’t disappointed at all by that because they had alway’s wanted to adopt. So they went through all the paperwork (legal/state) and announced to their families that they were adopting a child from China. Their families were thrilled!
Needless-to-say, they were chosen with a baby girl right away but it took about a year to finally be able to bring her into the United States. When they did, walking through the airport with their 1.5 year old daughter from China (along with their 2 other children) their families were waiting for them, holding signs saying “Welcome Home!”. Jonathan said it was a beautiful scene. And than…
His mother looked down at this precious girl, kissed her, and exclaimed “You look like a precious little china doll!”. Kind of Tacky!
An hour later, his wife’s Uncle said to him “We’ll never get confused which ones are really yours hey Jonathan!” and elbowed him playfully Even more tacky and plain rude!
Later, his wife said to that his mother had told her ‘Watch, you’ll probably get pregnant now!’ So what if she did?
Jonathan forewarned me of the tacky comments that will be made…especially being a same-sex couple. I shared with him that I have already experienced some and have already blogged about some of the comments that have been made. However, he made one really good point which my partner and I have tried very hard to take this point to heart and we need to try even harder at it. Jonathan said that the question he gets the most often, even 6 years later, is about his daughters history. (i.e. about his parents/why she was given up, etc). He and his wife try earnestly to make their daughters history begin with walking off that plane in the United States and being greeted by their family members. Because that is all that should matter to those that were waiting for them…”not the gossip” prior to that.
The subject of course comes in many variations. “What do you know about her background?” or “What happened to the birth mom?” In ANY FORM, they’re intensely personal and usually not something adoptive families wish to share with anyone. Think of it as similar to being asked in which sexual position you conceived your child in!
It puts the family into a very awkward position. Especially that of asking to look at pictures of the birth parents. We have plenty of pictures of our birthmother, birthfather, many others…texts/very private information….many juicy things that I know people would salivate over lol. Unfortunately, they have accidentally popped up. However, from today onward, those items are under lock and key for my partner and I to see, and of course, our child.